SP Kachru

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   Kashmiri Writers

Koshur Music

An Introduction to Spoken Kashmiri



Cultivating the Culture of Conflict

by S.P. Kachru  

When and how to avoid a quarrel or conflict at all costs is well circulated to indoctrinate the meddlesome advice but the rationale has been more than flimsy on the issue of why one should even want to avoid a quarrel in the first place. What are friends who do not also quarrel !

Mastering the art of initiating a dispute and more so, learning to enjoy it still remains elusive to a vast majority of fun seekers. Peace and placidity of thoughts may win us some dispute, sound sleep, piety or prudence – all very well but at least once every fortnight or thereabouts, one should surely have an opportunity to get justly worked up, to be thoroughly excited once in a while and cause a scene for one’s opposition. If not for yourself, then please for the sake of your friend, your wife, the neighbour or whoever else it may happen to be.

Trust me, there never was anything more irritating than a person with whom one cannot enjoy a healthy dispute and argument. Indeed, silence is the only argument that cannot be refuted and yet makes case for mistrust too. It may not be the people who quarrel that we should be wary of, but rather those who evade a quarrel. Simply countered, why such people should feel obliged to shy contention, unless they know of their weaker arguments hence fears of losing out ? Or do such people have anything to hide in which case, they should better get involved in a hearty quarrel. After all, it is in a dispute that we really get to know each other. Dispute is indeed a high form of art and also a useful one at that. It hones the mind, it breaches moral lethargy and – best of all – a quarrel is followed by reconciliation. Here we have the opportunity to appear in the best possible light. Healthwise too, regular and abundant disputes are to be highly recommended. Quite commonly, pursued with sufficient zeal, it leads to higher pulse rates, without any need for a home-trainer or any other form of bothersome, thoroughly unimaginative ways of getting more exercise. A good quarrel should, above all, always leave room for a certain element of surprise. Under no circumstances, should one bore one’s counterpart with a constant repetitive stream of accusations or demoralizing grievances, imagination being the order of the day. It is much better to think up something new from time to time.

Hazard an unexpected venture ! Even an accusation straight out of the blue can work wonders in stimulating a dispute and it awakens creative impulses. Yes, care may be taken to assess the actual weaknesses of the counterpart, there being nothing quite as offending as truth. Listening carefully to the opponent’s arguments or accusations may actually lead you to your victory, therefore, do not miss out on this prime and possibly never to be repeated opportunity to find out exactly as to what would the counterpart would otherwise keep carefully hidden behind a mask of courtesy. Why else would a poor argument be best countered by not interrupting their presentation ? In our heart of hearts we know fully well that wrong is rarely to be found only on one side. For that reason, one will always benefit from a good quarrel because it is perfectly legitimate to learn from one’s opponents hence the wisdom “.... Donk donk karnus chudanai..”

Source: Milchar



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